Mother's Day, Schmother's Day

For some reason, I can't get in the mood for Mother's Day this year.

Petunia is very, very excited about it.  Like her father, she can't keep a secret to save her life, and she's been dropping hints like "we'll wake you up with a soy latte but you won't know from where!" all week.  [Note to the Guv: If the kids wake me up on Mother's Day, that will be very uncool.  And Starbucks has the only soy latte around here that's worth drinking.  Thanks.]  I'm glad that Petunia's excited, and bringing me soy lattes, and taking me out for a gluten-free dinner...

But. 

I've hemmed and hawed about why I can't get into Mother's Day this year when I have two amazing, beautiful children, a wildly adventurous mom, an unobtrusive mother-in-law and a grandma who still has pep in her step.  Maybe it's because Dash's ear surgery is on the 15th, and I can't wait to get it over with.  Maybe it's because the school board seat that had my name on it was just vacated, and no fewer than a dozen people have come up to me to say "too bad you're not going to be here" -- plus, maybe it's having to start over and build that kind of credibility someplace else.  Maybe it's because of the stress of selling our home without having a new place waiting on the other coast.  Maybe it's because of an e-mail I just received from a classmate who's baby may not reach his third birthday because of a rare disease.  That's just not right, and not fair, and not okay, and not understandable.  Maybe I feel guilty, because Dash has been sick almost all of his life, but his illnesses like chronic ear infections and possible gluten sensitivity are controllable, endable, endurable, answerable.

So Mother's Day, sure, I'll enjoy my soy latte, and I'll place my phone calls, and I'll pretend to love whatever my family has in store for me.  I'll rally, and I'll smile, and maybe I'll be lucky and it'll even be sunny enough to take another hour-long trike/bike ride with Petunia and Dash.   Sometimes, I am filled with the wonder of this world, usually revealed to me through my children.  Other times, things happen that make me question my abilities as a parent, my faith, my decisions... The good news is that soon, we'll be in a new place, and most of this uncertainty will be cast aside.  It's going to be a long road to get there, but at least we will get there all together and finally have a life that we live all together as a family more days than not.  And that's a good enough mother's day present for me.